Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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