Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she told me i tasted like america
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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