I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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