Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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