I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
