Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
