Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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