How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
