he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
