I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
