you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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