I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
