Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
