ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
