You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize