the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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