Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
