I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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