You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
