I'm drive I can fine osifer
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
