Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
