chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
