Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
