If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
