It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
