Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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