i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
