what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
