Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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