The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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