she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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