I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
