I hate your face
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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