Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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