For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
