sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
