Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
