I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
