i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
