Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
