That's intense
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
