I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
