I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
