Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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