You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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