How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
