Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
