he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
