WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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