I think I died a long time ago.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
