Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
