Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
