Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
