I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
