Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
