she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Even my vagina gasped.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
