and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my shit smells like andre
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
