:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
