i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
