in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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