Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
