I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
