hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
