Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
