she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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