You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
