ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
