or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
