Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
