He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
