I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
