dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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